Ep. 8 Considering Divorce? What you should know.

Today we interview Rosanna Breitman. Rosanna is a divorce mediator and begins by telling us about the type of mediation she practices and how the holistic process she utilizes benefits the divorcing couples and more importantly how it benefits the children.

Introducing Rosanna’s book entitled, The 7 Crucial Steps To Take Before Saying I Want A Divorce.

1. If there is a risk that someone can be hurt or is concerned for their safety, they should not be having that talk with their spouse.
2. The importance of talking to a therapist. Divorce is a grief process and there is a fundamental need for support. Support from a therapist is a constructive thing to do. A therapist can help you to avoid regrets. Although so many people are resistant, Rosanna recommends this to most clients. In the end they are grateful that they did it.
3. Understand the different legal avenues that they can take.
   1. Mediation – A conflict resolution process. It may not be the best process for those who want to use it as a way to air grievances rather than fighting. Works for those who want to save time and money. People who are willing to make full financial disclosure. A mediator does not need to be a lawyer. Generally, a mediator does not give legal advice. Mediation is an unregulated profession.
   2. Collaborative Family Law – Each person has their own lawyer rather than having one mediator working with both parties. The philosophy is similar to mediation in that it is also an interests-based process rather than a rights-based process. The bargaining is based in the shadow of the law, so they are figuring out what’s in the best interest of the couples. You get more into the “why” behind what someone is asking for and you can focus more on what a couple can do to come up with an appropriate solution.
4. Understand the legal process so you are clear on what steps you will encounter. 
5. Some of the financial issues that are likely to come up. People do not need to know everything about their finances and it will be dealt with in time, but not necessarily at the outset. Benefits of working with a financial advisor or CDFA to go through all the information they eventually will need. How common law and married couples differ in terms of financial obligations.
6. Budgeting – Understanding the costs you will face. Most people will suffer financial challenges. Even at high income levels, the costs of running two households can be unrealistic.
7. Preparing for the talk. Separate the person from the problem and that will allow people to focus on creating a solution.

Once you’ve completed the talk, it’s important to know that this is an ongoing process. The partner on the receiving end of the talk may not expect it and will need some time to let it sink in. It’s like a grieving process and be prepared to give space and time for everything to play out.

Resources:

eBook: The Seven Crucial Steps to Take Before Saying I Want a Divorce

Website: www.torontofamilylaw.com

Email - Rosannabreitman@gmail.com