Ep. 9 Money & Marriage
In today’s episode we cover a wide range of topics as they relate to how someone’s relationship with money can impact their relationships with others. When it comes to a friendship, differences in attitudes towards spending and saving may not be a deal breaker. But when those differences arise in a couple, they can be. Topics we look at include;
- Why people find it so difficult to talk about money.
- Why money is a leading cause for divorce
- Tips on mistakes to avoid
- What you can do to ensure healthy conversations about money
A major reason couples don’t talk about money has to do with the shame attached to it. Shame can come from;
- Financial mistakes made in the past.
- Carrying a lot of debt
- Big differences in income
Money plays such a big role in so many parts of our lives - where we live, trips we take, cars we drive, the jobs we take and the way we spend in general. The differences in how people view money can be a major stressor and far too often it boils down to a lack of communication. People talk about so many other things before talking about money. Couples need to make money conversations a priority and we provide a discussion guide to help. In the episode we use a real life case study of a couple in their early thirties we worked with. We delve into how their different upbringings resulted in friction in their relationship.
The first step we took was getting them to talk about the concerns they had. We had them focus on priorities and life goals rather than finances and budgets. By focusing on shared priorities, it’s easier for each person to determine the areas they are willing to compromise on. It’s also important for both people in a relationship to know what the scope of their finances are. Clarity provides comfort.
Tips to make the conversations easier;
- Don’t dive into a money talk right off the bat
- Start with a broader conversation about goals, values and future plans. Talking openly about the type of lifestyle you want will help to ensure you’re both on the same page for the long term.
- Take a step back and commit to listening to your partner and finding a middle ground.
- Focus on one shared goal at time.
- Consider a money coach or financial advisor to help facilitate the conversation and clarify goals.
Top takeaways
- Don’t keep secrets.
- Don’t expect your partner to have same goals
- Agree on shared goals and figure out how to reach them together. This takes the conversation away from dollars and towards something with a deeper meaning.
Helpful Tools
A financial discussion guide for couples. LINK
